We rented the scooters from our hotel. I had never ridden one, so when they handed it to me with no instruction, I was quite shocked. I found out it's not that hard once you get it started. Give it some gas and hope for the best. We were off. With no gas. We were served up with empty tanks and pointed in the direction of what we supposed for quite sometime to be a phantom gas station. On fumes, we found it. Of course, this was my first stop, so I cruised in dragging my flip-flops like they were the added traction I needed to navigate myself to a complete stop. They guys at the gas station laughed at me for a good two or three minutes. The traffic in Nha Trang is extremely mild compared to Ho Chi Minh City, but it's still Vietnam and no traffic laws apply. We started our journey going straight and that was pretty good. I didn't even need my horn for the first few kilometers. Until the traffic light. The traffic lights have a countdown, so when the number gets to 3-2......we're off. Everyone is in a big group and starts motoring. This was my first cut off; a guy to my immediate right decided to turn left in front of me. I cleared him and made my first honk of a true Asian staple, the horn. We kept missing the turn to the mud baths so we were going back and forth down a pretty big road. Of course to turn around we had to do a u-turn in the middle of the road. It's pretty scary, but there is some organized chaos, unwritten rules and polite courtesies that apply: as previously mentioned, he who honks the loudest, longest and does not flinch usually gets the right of way; he who is on a track that cannot be changed usually gets the right of way; and you had better hold on for dear life. After clearing the street a few times going back and forth, we hired someone to show us the road. I was relieved for a short period of time when we headed down a small dirt road with little traffic. My bliss was short-lived when I found myself battling potholes and dogs. At this point I succumbed to the Asian philosophy of honking at everything; the pedestrians, the dogs, the potholes. It's survival. If you honk, they know you are there and you are determined to keep going. I headed on like Red McCormick from the tractor scene in Footloose, if I wouldn't have been tied to that scooter, I would have jumped. I prevailed and took the right-of-way from those damn dogs. We got there in one piece.
The mud baths were ok. I'm not convinced it isn't a scam as the mud bath seemed a little like dirty water with some silt in it. But it was a nice mental break from scootering. I did not enjoy that tubs filled with Asians in nude color speedos. Which brings me to a topic I had started writing about previously, but never finished: why the speedo should be banned, everywhere. There are many obvious reasons, it shows everything, it is embarrassing for one's significant other and it is down right ugly. However, there are some more subtle reasons I have discovered on my trip, most specifically with the help of one European Gentleman in Krabi:
- There is no reason to be reminded that leg hair does not actually end
- When in a boat, there are often areas where you have to duck down to clear obstacles. If the subject wearing the speedo is standing in those areas it is uncomfortable for everyone.
- If someone is wearing a speedo, they are clearly oblivious to the thoughts of others both in and out of the water. The self-centered speedo wearer is more likely to snorkel around with no concern for the location of others, which makes it highly likely you may run into the subject's speedo while swimming along minding your own business and checking out the fish. Again, uncomfortable for everyone.
- When the subject puts on a t-shirt, he gives the appearance of being a flasher with nothing on but the t-shirt.
- The speedo wedgie.
On the way back from the mud bath we successfully navigated 3-4 roundabouts and/or intersections with 4-way traffic, uninhibited by stop signs, yields signs or streetlights. Each time we cleared one, Colleen would check for me in her rear view mirror and give the thumbs up sign. Yes, we made it!
Living through an Asian motorbike ride: check!
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